Being Told No, the Hard Part About Being an Artist

All throughout my college career, my professors were abundantly clear that opportunities will reveal themselves, and for reasons good and bad, you will be told no ALOT. I mean they said that it could be for reasons as simple as "we already have enough short girls in this piece, we need someone over 5'7" even if they aren't the best in the room. However, sometimes they are really saving you from yourself, because whatever panel is judging your work, depending on how developed the organization is or how clearly their values are established for themselves, they know what they're looking for.

An example I'll use is this: When I was graduating high school, I was hell bent on attending NYU. I had a mentor who was a phenomenal mover and teacher (hey Britanny Stevenson <3) and after years of working towards being able to attend Yale (which was also a bit far reaching honestly) I made NYU my dream school after working with her for my senior solos. For context, I started dancing at 14 (thanks to Keata's Performing Arts Studio :,3) and it showed up in more ways than I care to remember, but I had loved dance and was committed! But the NYU audition was my first audition ever outside of my studio. Mind you, I started ballet around 16. So this was a long shot, but I had to at least try. And try I did! But unfortunately fortunately, they did not invite me to study there.

In my disappointment, I saw the bright side of things (which was a Godsend honestly!) and took this L with grace. I had been told by a peer that maybe they're looking out because if I could hardly keep up at the audition, I would likely learn very little trying to play catch up when their foundation was not the same as mine. I would have wasted more money than I can honestly imagine trying to pay for that education when they knew as a faculty that they were not willing to serve me by meeting me where I was at.

And for the record, going to the University of North Carolina at Greensboro was the best decision I've probably ever made in my adult life.

Fast forward to now though, BAYBEE, the no's be no-ing. Especially since post grad. Colleges (that are federally funded especially) are happy to invest in your idea or experiment, especially since you're paying them to give you a career playground and its resources as your toys. Out in the real world though, they are paying you to be their toys on a playground they likely spend alot of money upkeeping.

So recently, I applied for a grant. The Reiser Lab grant with Alliance Theatre to be specific. It popped up when I was looking for an audition's venue and I felt like God was talking to me ( and He was! ) so I put together an ideal team, mocked up a proposal document (like 10 pages chile) and sent it to the people I wanted to work with. They were on board, so we would plan meetings and filled out the application with so much excitement and passion. But throughout the whole process I remembered my professors talking about how much they were told no, and that "life is no crystal stair", which of course was news (and great reality check) to me because in my eyes they were of the most phenomenal creators and movers I'd seen.

I struggled between being too hopeful and being underprepared, holding back because I feared that all my efforts would amount to nothing if they said no, or being too excited that if they say no I'll be crushed permanently. However, neither of these things happened. Yes, they indeed said no (and gave me great constructive criticism, which isn't offered often), but my efforts were not for nothing! The effort I put into this just sped up my process for next time, or the next opportunity. Applying had even helped me further refine my passion project, because it sprouted as a fun idea at 18 with a funky character design, and has been building for years in bits and pieces as God gives more context to me. I also am very much not permanently disheartened, and I owe that to my mentors, professors, and support system (as well as myself) for not letting my works worth weigh in the balance of one organizations opportunity.

Not sure how this will register with whoever decides to read this, but I hope that you get something from my story. If I had to sum it up, one "no" does not negate every "yes" possible. Still completely apply yourself, because you stretch your ability and capability further with each attempt, even if it isn't appreciated. Sometimes the issue isn't the idea you have, but who you're expecting to understand it. Find your playground. Or make it. Whatever works really.

Also being vulnerable is not the devil I promise! Take a chance and see what happens, then take another one.

I think that's all I have to say about that. I hope this helps someone with a rejection of any sort. Rooting for you always, and I hope that at some point I can be a resource to you! Stay lovely, and take care of yourself <3

Feel free to discuss in the comments also ;)

~Azaria G.